In Which I Freak Out April 16, 2012
Posted by Amanda in Bad News Bears, Douche Bags, Men in Uniform.add a comment
I know it’s been a month and I would give you the canned response of ‘I’ve been so busy working’ but I’ve just been spending too much time with Boyfriend to really care about posting much more. That and I don’t have any fodder. I’m still looking for Guest Bloggers so please look to the right and send me an e-mail with your dating blunders!
So I’m sitting at Game Universe on Saturday sorting through a giant box of Magic cards minding my own business when I look up and see Adam. Yup. Adam was walking by, with the girl he hooked up with only a day or so after I was dating him many months ago. The fact that she was there didn’t bother me so much as the fact that he’s supposed to be in another STATE, not in my city at the game shop I go to.
I don’t make a habit of ever talking to, let alone seeing, my exes (dating or otherwise) so when I see one, I don’t know how to handle myself. Most of the time I can play it off really cool and act like I don’t want to smack the guy but this was a special circumstance in which my flight or fight instincts went straight to flight and I obeyed them.
He was looking for Dice so he was generally on the other side of the store but when he passed by me the first time, my stomach dropped to the floor and I couldn’t breathe. My hands shook terribly as if I had just drank a pot of coffee and I desperately wanted to get out of there.
The way he ignored me after we had spent so long getting to know one another and then publicized the fact that he was fooling around with another girl really burned me. I had never been so deeply hurt by another individual before. I later told my mom about this encounter and she told me I should have slapped him had he tried to talk to me.
He and his girlfriend didn’t touch while they wandered he wandered and she followed him around the store and I made every effort to finish counting cards, finish my notes and go to the register. Adam passed me one more time and looked right at me. I glanced up (stupid, stupid Amanda), met his eyes and casually looked down. I didn’t care to notice if he recognized me but I know he probably did. I knew my eyes conveyed the recognition but I also tried to keep as cool as possible.
I took the box of cards back to its storage place, booked it to the register and paid for my cards but had to go to the back corner of the store for additional cards. I made quick work in the corner while he stood in line at the register. I sped past him and yelled a thanks to the dude behind the counter, rushed out and finally breathed fully since seeing him. My hands were still shaking as I got into my car and texted Boyfriend.
“Traumatic experience at shop. Need hug.”
He laughed it off and asked if I had been hit on by a nerd. I was getting hit on by some D&Ders at the table next to me, but that wasn’t nearly as freaky as seeing Adam again. I guess not speaking to an ex or a disastrous date should you see them in public is an unwritten rule in the dating guide. I knew I would have nothing nice to say to him anyway so it’s a good thing he didn’t come up to me to chat.
I finally made it to Boyfriend’s house and the first thing I did was walk up and throw my arms around him. I breathed in the scent of his shirt and deodorant and felt safe in his arms. I knew that Adam blowing me off like he did was a good thing and I wouldn’t be this happy had it not happened. I took another deep breath, kissed Boyfriend on the neck and let the whole experience leave my mind.
The Politico March 18, 2012
Posted by Amanda in Randoms, Short Term.add a comment
It has been so fricken long since I posted! Work has been so crazy and I haven’t been home much more than to eat a late dinner with The Boyfriend(yes, that’s why there’s no new stuff!) and go to bed.
So finally, on the day before my birthday (which I will be spending with The Boyfriend and no I won’t be blogging about it…ok maybe a little bit), I’m getting around to finishing this post.
Due to the fact that The Politico is still a friend, his name will remain mum.
In all reality, this post has been four years (almost to the week, “It was just before the South Carolina Primary” according to him.) in the making.
I still remember most of the details of my first encounter with The Politico many moons ago. We had previously met at a UWM Democrats meeting and we became friends. We talked a few times, he set me up with one of his Dem friends at a New Years party and he commiserated with me when it didn’t work out. He was a friend, and I never thought of him as anything more. He wasn’t my type in myriad ways and I was oblivious to the fact that he was becoming interested in me.
I had a particularly crappy day when I called The Politico to meet for coffee near school after I was done with work. He was all for it and I just needed someone to bitch to and hopefully have a laugh. We met and conversation was weird. I remember he peppered me with ‘why’ questions and asked me a lot of random things that I couldn’t answer without things getting awkward. I finished my coffee and told him I needed to get home.
He walked me out to my car and stopped me as I was turning toward it. My feet crunched on the snow.
I thanked him for meeting me and listening to me and said my goodbyes when he leaned in for a kiss. I pushed him away saying that’s not what I wanted and I wasn’t interested. He tried to put his hand on the back of my head to pull me in for another kiss. I pushed him away with a resounding NO and walked to my car.
I was freaked, to say the least. He texted me almost immediately apologizing for what he had done and misreading the signs and I blew it off as a lark and told him it was OK.
It wasn’t. I didn’t sleep much that night and wrote him an e-mail saying I needed some time to think and come to terms of what my flirtations had done to lead him on. I wasn’t direct enough and I needed to shut him down in the most brutal way possible.
I didn’t see him and barely talked to him for four years. I felt uncomfortable even facebook chatting with him because he would overtly flirt with me. I told him time and time again that I wasn’t interested and I wouldn’t be. Ever.
Very slowly over the last year, I had been chatting with him more often and we had become a little more friendly though I still put the kibosh on him coming on to me. When drunk, I’d lead him on again and then I’d blow him off when he tried chatting me while I was working.
I started feeling bad for blowing him off so one random night I texted him telling him I was making dinner and to bring wine. He accepted right away and was at my place shortly after.
The rest of the night was a bit of a blur since I drank a bottle and a half of wine before we moved onto whiskey. He came in for the kiss and I let him, figuring why the hell not.
Needless to say: I was bored.
Maybe it was all the alcohol poorly affecting me, but it wasn’t the best. I had no emotional connection to the guy so it was just blah. He attempted to lift me up on the counter, which made me way too tall for him and I quickly found I was on the edge of the sink, supporting my own weight and slipping. The rest of the makeout session was just as sloppy and I didn’t remember a good chunk of it, nor do I care to retrieve those memories.
I didn’t kiss him goodnight and passed out as soon as he left. I woke up the next morning with the worst hangover I’d ever experienced.
He texted and IMed me a couple times, asking about replaying that night to which I replied “maybe,” which meant “no.” He even asked if he would be in the blog, then badgered me about being in the blog. I told him he probably wouldn’t like what I have to say but if he wanted me to write it so badly, he now has his wish.
Amanda’s A-Z of Online Dating March 6, 2012
Posted by Amanda in A-Z.Tags: natural pause, relationships
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At Long Last
I’ve finally been able to find some time to write! Unfortunately I don’t have a proper blog written up for today but soon I’ll have another man written up and sent off to you. We’re getting drastically low on men as I’ve been dating one guy for the last month or so. I’m telling you nothing; partially because he’s read the blog and partially because I really REALLY don’t want to jinx it.
So here we go with this weeks’ A-Z.
P is for Pauses in Conversation: Statistics show that every 7 minutes, a natural pause takes place in a conversation. View this as a chance to recollect your thoughts and get back to getting to know the other person. Don’t freak out the second you run out of things to talk about; take a breath and let your mind do the walking.
Q is for Quiet Guys: Seriously. Speak up. It’s hard enough getting to know someone in a crowded and loud bar. If you’re so quiet we’re yelling “WHAT!?” every time you open your mouth, there’s a problem and it’s not with our hearing.
R and S are for Reserved and Socially Inept: They’re two different things. Being reserved, I feel, is about modesty: You don’t spill all the beans immediately and tell us your life story, but you answer questions we ask honestly, without bathering on for 10 minutes about your motorcycle(unless you’re talking to a girl that likes motorcycles). Socially inept is when you can’t even look at a girl without wanting to wet yourself in fear. When you’ve never been in a committed relationship and you’re still living in your mothers’ basement at 30 playing World of Warcraft where the only interaction with a female is when one shows up on the screen and you can’t even be sure it IS a girl. Just saying.
Something to whet your appetite and come back for more– the next blog this week: The Politico.
Chase: by Roxanne February 28, 2012
Posted by Amanda in Guest Blogger, Lots of promise, OK Cupid, Roxanne, Short Term.add a comment
Today marks the first guest blog post on Dating in the Milwaukee Moonlight.
To protect anonymity, names have been changed.
It’s been awhile (A good year!) so the details could be a little foggy – and not as accurate as I’d like but here goes! 
87% Match, 83% Friend, 19% Enemy
Chase and I talked for a good week or two via messages/chat/text and the phone before meeting. He was leary about meeting someone online, and since it had been awhile since I had dated, I was too, to be quite honest! But this online stuff is how it’s done these days…right?
After a few days of chatting, Chase said he would love to meet me when we both felt more comfortable and knew more of each other. We both agreed the connection was there, it was a matter of it being there in person as well.
He was a good communicator, voiced his opinion, was smart, sarcastic, had a good job, not the best relationship with his family, and he was cute with an adorable pup. Downfalls: he lived an hour away and his pups name was the same as my niece. And the relationship with his family – Boo – not cool.
Chase and I planned to meet for coffee. We both agreed that if things went well, we would go from there. Meeting in the middle for coffee, I got to the Starbucks about 10 minutes early, ordered my coffee and had a seat while casually on the phone with a friend of mine who knew exactly what I was up to for the first time in a long time. With every car that pulled up to this Starbucks, I had more butterflies… What the hell did that mean?!
Finally, a white car pulled up – his. OH CRAP! He gets out and I know for sure it’s Chase. I start freaking out on the phone. Oh My Gosh. OH MY GOSH. Oh…my gosh. <– Said in all variations and pitches. This guy had style, looks, and mmmm… I let my friend go and try to act “normal.”
He walks in and spots me right away. I get up and give him a welcoming hug, he asks if I’d been there long – I told him about 5-10 minutes but no biggie. He decides before we get too much into conversation, he’ll grab a drink. I’m thinking, “cool! I can REALLY check you out!” Hah!
An hour and a half later, we’re having a great time and awesome conversation, we realize it’s past our “normal” dinner time and head down to the Outback to grab a bite. After dinner, flirting, more laughing and lots of conversation, he wants to take me to play pool. Um. OK! It was like the date that was never going to end, but if it kept up at this rate, sure!
We go and play pool, have a great time, a few drinks and many flirty touches later we finally decide to call it a night 6 hours after the date started! He takes me back to my car at Starbucks, gives me an awkward hug still sitting in the car, and I’m off.
We follow each other for about 5 minutes down the road, he waves nervously and smiles. Sends a text message saying how much fun he had and how he hopes we can do it again. I agree and he sends that he is thankful that I’m feeling the same way. By the time I get home, I have a message from him already online…
He reiterates in the message that he had a great time and thinks I’m an awesome person. Someone he could see himself hanging out with more often if given the chance…especially between our schedules with work, his with school and mine with my kids. He says he should have gotten out of the car to give me a hug, but there’s always next time. I sent a quick message back and called it a night.
Chase and I went out a few more times, including to a ping pong bar in Downtown Milwaukee. We never did get a table (reservations needed to be made ahead of time – the earliest available was midnight!) but the conversation was always flowing and flirty. We had a few make out sessions, and I thought with time, I could teach him how to kiss me the way I liked it…because it was THAT close from being spot on.
He started to talk about a girl he worked with and her flirty ways. It reminded me of my marriage and how that was with my ex and I couldn’t stand it, but we had plans to go for dinner and retire to his house for a movie that weekend. I thought I’d give it a shot and if I really wasn’t feeling it, I’d leave early. So we went to dinner and all was good, but I could tell the vibe changed from dating to friends; partially because of my insecurities. We had a good time and I decided to stay for a movie then head home.
Within a week, Chase and I both knew it just wasn’t in the stars for us. The girl he talked about that he works with was too much of a conversation topic and I couldn’t handle that. We chocked it up as a couple great dates and decided to stay friends.
Over the next few weeks, he still contacted me to discuss his budding relationship with the girl from work and, once that one ended, he started another with someone he went to high school with. They’re now engaged and happily in love.
Roxanne has been one of my role models for the better part of my 24 years. She was married for 12 years to the man she thought was the love of her life and, two beautiful and intelligent children and a divorce later, she’s ready to get back out in the dating world. I still learn things from her every day about being in the dating world and how to keep a man. If you want to read more of her stories, simply click the “Roxanne” category.
Another Andy February 23, 2012
Posted by Amanda in Bad News Bears, Douche Bags, Duds, Makeout buddies, Nutcases, OK Cupid, Short Term.Tags: goatee, ok cupid
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91% Match, 75% Friend, 3% Enemy
Andy was a quick one: I sent him a “locals” message on OK Cupid thinking he wouldn’t respond since the locals function doesn’t really work all that well. He messaged me back right away and we had a very short conversation in which he never asked me anything. After a couple messages, where I gave him two chances to ask me something, I was done.
So I was expecting to never hear from him again until a few days later when he sent me a message asking telling me he was tracking a cricket in his apartment and then asked me questions in the hopes of distracting him from the chirping. This conversation was just as abrupt as he stopped asking questions again so I stopped responding.
The next day I received an instant message from him. I had a very short amount of battery life on my computer and the coffee shop I was writing in was closing so he gave me his number, I told him to text me first and I made my way home.
That night was only my second night in my new place and I was having a really crappy day so when he asked if I wanted to come over to his apartment to watch some TV and have a drink, I was more receptive to the idea than normal. I needed something to make me happy and even if the date went terrible, I’d be able to say I did something with my night.
I made the four block walk to his apartment, he let me in and we settled into a couple episodes of Big Bang Theory. He immediately and casually put his arm around my shoulders, was tracing little designs on both my arms and essentially made his intentions known during the third episode when he leaned in for a kiss. His goatee scratched at my lips and chin
We spent the next few hours making out like teenagers and getting to know one another.
I got to his apartment at about 9:30 p.m. and didn’t get home until 2:30 a.m.. He dropped me off in front of my house and left a lingering kiss with me before I finally got out. He waited for me to open the door before he left. It felt like an hour had passed and I was only exhausted when I laid my head down on my pillow. I was perfectly happy with my decision.
The next day we texted a bit and he invited me over to his place again. I told him I’d only go for that if he picked me up so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting mugged. I didn’t take my wallet with me anyway as I wouldn’t need it and only had my keys on me, so my mugger would be disappointed and probably angry with me. He obliged and picked me up after I had finished dinner. We watched TV and had a drink again and he quickly went in for another kiss.
During our second makeout session my hand gently brushed over his side and he tensed, signaling that he was ticklish. I played coy and kept tickling him until he FLIPPED. OUT.
Apparently, instead of tickling feeling funny and being a flirty gesture, it hurts him? He tensed up for a minute and I did too. I pulled away from him but he was ready to go again shortly after and he didn’t understand why I wasn’t. I didn’t understand the situation and I didn’t know what was off limits. I’d be walking on eggshells for the rest of my time with him.
I finally relaxed enough to kiss him again but my usual spots for resting my hands were tickle spots for him so he tensed up and I kept feeling like it was my fault. He assured me it wasn’t but I couldn’t keep going, which angered him. “Don’t you think I know my own body and when it hurts?!” he yelled at me.
I shut down, said, “I think I should leave” and grabbed my sweater, but he flipped the switch right away and grabbed my arm, asking me to stay. I stood, defiant with hands on hips; waiting for a response as to why he yelled at me when he barely knew me. I am an extremely analytical person and I didn’t understand where I could go without him feeling pain. He didn’t understand why I was angry and, rather than taking us through the same situation four times, I shut down further and said, “I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
He apologized and I relaxed slightly. He brought me down to the couch and ran his fingers through my hair as we cuddled. I didn’t move my hands.
I saw his left hand clench tightly and release slowly. He said the pain distracts him and helps him calm down. His anger issues were becoming more and more apparent.
I was close to sleep when his arm started falling asleep and he flipped the hell out again. He pulled away from me abruptly and started grabbing at his arm, eventually smacking it down on the arm of the couch. He was groaning and hissing and I just sat there, wide eyed, wondering what could have happened.
It tickles us when our limbs fall asleep and it’s annoying and sometimes can be painful, but for him it’s like being stabbed hundreds of times in the limb. His nerve endings went haywire and he couldn’t handle it. He began hyperventilating and was trying to make himself pass out. I grabbed his shoulders and tried to calm him down but he was completely jacked afterward. It was like his meth had finally kicked in and, at 2 in the morning he dressed in his running gear and said he needed to take me home so he could go for a run to work off all the adrenaline that had just pumped through his system.
He was like a kid on a sugar high as I was half-asleep. He drove me home like a crazy person and didn’t even kiss me goodbye but instead pointed out how his leg was twitching. I got out of the car and he sped off.
I attempted to clear the air the next day but he blew me off. I texted a few days later asking if I had done something wrong and he responded a day later with,
I was in Tomahawk worrying about other things.
I inquired if everything was OK and he never responded. He still shows up in my locals lists every now and then but it’s easy to ignore him when I realize how insane he is.
Let’s Slow it Down a Bit February 19, 2012
Posted by Amanda in Help, Uncategorized.Tags: blog, first dates
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I’ve been blogging quite regularly this last 6 weeks and I’m coming to the realization that I’m very quickly running out of men!
That being said, I’ll be toning down the blogging to only a few times a week. I’ve got more stories, a good series about the inspiration for the blog and some more info-filled posts so I hope you’ll all keep following me. Please subscribe to the blog or add me to your reader so you can check out the new posts. We’re not going away just yet!
On another note: I’d love for some guest bloggers. Please send me an e-mail at asthrom@gmail.com with your disastrous and your amazing first dates. You can be anonymous or you could include your name. Feel free to use the real name of your date as it won’t really be found by them unless you really want it to be found. Please put “Dating Disaster/Success” in the subject of your e-mail.
I look forward to reading all the amazing stories from everyone!
The Morning After February 15, 2012
Posted by Amanda in Bar Scene, Interested in my Roommate.Tags: Feminism, Making Amends, roomie, Solidarity Sister!, The Morning After
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I didn’t see Roomie this morning as she didn’t come home. She did ask me to leave the back door open so she could descend the stairs from the second to the first floors in the morning; the alternate walk of shame: the Stairwell of shame? Though I don’t see how she would be shameful over last night. He’s hot so why not? I did as she asked and went to sleep for the next three hours.
My alarm went off at 6 a.m. and scared the living shit out of me. I was cold wrapped up in all my blankets and wished I had a nice warm man to cuddle up to. My adrenaline was still pumping from my alarm when I remembered the text I sent last night to Tim, drunkenly telling him I wished he were there with me. The apology was about four hours too late and I cringed when I wished I could take the text back. He rolled it off and thanked me for the booty-text since he hadn’t had one in a good long while. Thank goodness for cool guys.
Two advil and two more hours of sleep and I forced myself out of bed and into work clothes.
I re-read what I wrote last night and realized how pathetic it sounded and how burned I really made myself out to be even though it was a lot more normal than anything else.
I am really happy for the Roomie. She really deserves to be with a nice guy like him after all the douchebags she’s had to deal with in the past months. Upstairs Neighbor is a really sweet guy and he’s absolutely gorgeous (let’s hope he doesn’t realize how hot he is…those are the good guys) and they would make a great couple, aside from the fact that he’s not around all that much. If he had incentive he might stay a bit more, though.
He lost points with me when he hadn’t seen Star Wars before… his nerdy side wasn’t anywhere to be seen. The Watchmen viewing party I’m planning on having with Tim tonight proves that this guy was way too hipster for me.
He didn’t seem all that interested in what I do for a living. I’ll admit it’s dry work and most people don’t really care and I do kind of work for ‘The man’ so it’s not surprising when I see eyes glaze over but he changed subjects so quickly that I didn’t really have a fighting chance. It was a step-back-moment.
The process of the night is was bugged me, and confused me, the most. His gazes toward me were piercing and lingering but he wound up going home with Roomie. I’m not going to sit here and over-analyze the innerworkings of this man’s mind, but his flirtation with me threw me, especially when his texts this morning contained wink-emoticons. That wink says a lot more than I want it to say when it comes from a guy who spent the night with my roommate last night.
Last night Roomie and I shook hands and said we wouldn’t have hurt feelings if he took a liking to either of us and in my drunken state, I was way more confused and burned to have been brutally rejected the way he did it. I couldn’t even flirt with this guy after realizing where he had put his hand and seeing them make out after visiting the ladies. I saw it coming, afterall and I couldn’t sit there and be ignored as a third wheel while it all transpired. I didn’t even say goodbye to them as I left the table and I didn’t care. My exit had the grace of a drunken dock worker.
It was extremely mature, to say the least.
I learned a lot of things last night.
A.) I should not heavily drink on a weeknight.
B.) We should have thought out last night a little better in terms of male-to-female ratios.
C.) Five beers in one night is probably not the greatest idea with no water and barely any food in my system.
D.) Drunken blogging is probably a bad idea.
E.) Need to study Roomie’s flirting habits as they’re pretty great. My text-flirting and her in-person flirting make for a pretty unforgettable girl.
So I guess what I’m trying to say, to the roomie who is currently reading this, is that I have no hard feelings and I’ll soundly kick his butt if he breaks your heart.
Now get back to studying and don’t cramp my style on my date tonight 
.
